on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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