Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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