everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
