bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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