I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
