Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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