how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
