by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
whose parrot is this?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long