1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.