she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
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I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.