He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life