: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
