Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
