The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
