If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
