this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
