Those balls look pretty dangerous.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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