: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
