He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
