Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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