my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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