My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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