took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
