I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize