I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
