there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
