Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
