He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
