During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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