remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
