The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
