I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
