hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I would ride that face into the sunset
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
