I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
