so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
