Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
