Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
