stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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