Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize