party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he puts the penis in happiness.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
