hell yes lets make some ravioli
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
