is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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