well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
