is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
