why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
