Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
