Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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