discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
