Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
