Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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