We won't sleep together?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
