Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
