I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
