i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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