Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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