so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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