I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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