1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
