oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This baby is an asshole
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize