that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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