next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
