where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just high enough for therapy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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