i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
