he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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