Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
