kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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