I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
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