Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
