I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
