Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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