So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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