I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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