We need to rekindle our bromance
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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