My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize