I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
