If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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