you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
