A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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