A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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