real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
