I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
