im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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