why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
