Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
