Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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